I’m not going to bore you with stats on burnout.
Is there a type of woman who suffers from burnout? I’ve only begun to think about this recently, years after my “episode.” One type, the one I fit, is the overachiever, the “I will get it done,” kind of woman. That was me, the child of working class immigrants- they came to America so that I could have an education. I did get an education- stair stepping from easy to more difficult schools over time-driven by ambition coupled uneasily with a free, creative spirit.
I dropped out of art school initially, I mean really, art to make money… not happening. “Why not become a nurse,” my mom would hint. That was a no go, since the sight of blood makes me feel faint. I told her, if I was going to be a nurse then I’d be a doctor- why go halfway or less money and prestige. After lots of internal conflict, when I finished getting my masters in fine art- clearly I needed to get this art thing to pay! After much rejection, I got a teaching job at a community college.
Back to a potential burnout type. Years later a man who suffered similarly said to me it’s when you excel that you are bullied (which is what happened.) He said you stand out and need to be “cut down.” You reflect badly on others, and the status quo in many ways by doing better, he felt. I also think that low self-esteem is at play- the overwhelming need to be seen as “good,” and worthy can drive one to keep going to the point of collapse.
A a newbie professor, I took on more and more work. Got more and more stressed and got more negative feedback. Nothing was ever good enough. I felt like I was a pleeb being pledged by those in charge, I just had to make it through the hazing. Academia pre-tenure is very similar to a hazing. We decide when we can’t “drink” anymore, and say enough. But that is very difficult. You are the lowest on the totem seeking to join the power group-those who hold your career firmly in their hands and pull and prod you to run, jump and prance to exhaustion. Some times you have to walk away or find a way through- but self-care will be key.
Signs of burnout that I missed are:
- complete lack of engagement with pleasurable non-work activities
- ongoing poor sleep
- “minor” to major health issues, hormonal, libido, digestive- related to stress
- constant obsession with work issues and outcomes
The major steps to healing from burnout are:
- admit it is happening to you
- admit you feel powerless or at least overwhelmed
- admit you need help, a change must happen
- seek that help- regularly and on-goingly
It takes a huge amount of strength, real strength to get help and support. When I finally saw a therapist in the midst of my melt-down. She assured me, “it’s not you, I’ve seen lots of folks from X institution.” That alone was a huge relief and the first baby steps to my recovery.
Pschology Today: The Tell Tale Signs of Burnout … Do You Have Them?
I have a potentially unpopular take on burnout in women, that I will stand by. It’s that it’s time for a change. The “masculine” approach, which both genders engage in, of pushing oneself hard, and then harder as a virtue, needs to stop. The value of each of us as human beings needs to be more important than the product, the end result.
In fact to get a bit woo-woo, this shift is already happening in society. We have reached the apex of the solo, gunslinger, me first mentality that encourages us to push to a breaking point for a goal. And more importantly it’s often a goal that lacks meaning to us anyway. And that’s the rub. Is the prize a prize you want. And is there another path to get there, if it is.
How do you want to feel when you reach your goal? There is likely a path to that feeling that is gentler and more humane.
Bio: Kala (Vivinne Williams, MFA, LMT,) I am a yogini, Creative & mystic who has been featured in Essence, Self & Yoga Journal magazines. I mentor prime of life, women recovering from a Thunderbolt experience- job loss, divorce or just the edge of burnout. In either case “put on the oxygen mask first,” is my motto. I’ve been practicing and studying mindfulness meditation and other spiritual practices for decades. Book a free 30 min. Mini-coaching session: https://page.co/yb2Z